i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
