No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Success! We fucked roommates!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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