She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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