bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
