if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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