Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
