Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
