I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
