I heard we made out
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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