i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will pee on everything he values.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
