Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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