I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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