Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
