yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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