the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
