i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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