i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
