they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
