I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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