tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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