There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
