When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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