Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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