Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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