i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
