roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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