It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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