i was born a porn star she said
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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