I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
