I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
