dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
