woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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