Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
how drunk are you?
Several
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
