at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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