it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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