you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
