I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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