what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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