ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All I want is dick and wine.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
