So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
