He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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