drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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