I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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