Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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