Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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