He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize