What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
