I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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