I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This baby is an asshole
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize