Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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