If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pants are for mortals
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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