What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
