Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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