I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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