so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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