omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize