i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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