My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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