take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
