I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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