I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
