You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
