not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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