He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Two words: nipple clamps
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