i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
