i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
