I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
