so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
