Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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