Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
