so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
