I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
