Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
