I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
two words...techno handjob
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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