Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
