If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
