i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
