I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
