I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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