Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
