Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
