babies were throwing up all over the place
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
