your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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