Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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