Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
