I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize