I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
