Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
