and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
