I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
