we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
