Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
