he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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